In many cultures, especially more traditional ones, there’s a common yet flawed norm that says:
“It doesn’t matter—no matter who they are, they’re still your brother, your father, your mother. You must forgive, accept, and maintain the relationship—regardless of how toxic or damaging they may be to your life, your growth, and your peace of mind.”
But why?
“Because after all, he’s your brother… he’s your father…”
Well, what if Hitler were my brother? What if a serial killer were my father? Do you really think I should maintain a relationship with him? Being a brother proves nothing.
In fact, biological connection is not a valid criterion for meaningful relationships.
My goal is a joyful, flourishing, and healthy life. If my brother, sister, or uncle is aligned with that path—wonderful, that’s a blessing. But if they harm my well-being, they must be removed from my life.
Likewise, there are many so-called “friends” who also need to be removed.
A purposeful person does this consciously. They look and say: “This person, this friend, is not good for my growth or health.” And someone else, even a stranger, may contribute to my emotional well-being, moral strength, and intellectual development. That person is my true friend.
As the saying goes:
“If a stranger is good, they are as kin to me.”
Of course, this isn’t about being selfish or using people. The point is: whatever aligns with your purpose and values is good and beneficial. If someone is truly good—even a stranger—they are like a brother or sister. And if someone is not—even your actual brother—they are a stranger. You can see how deeply entangled we are with this issue in our cultural mindset
